Joke Of The Day

You know you’re getting old when:

You paint walls for a reason other than getting your deposit back.

You don't like to drive after dark.

You say the words "Turn that music down!"

You point out what buildings used to be where.

You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.

You rake the yard without being told to.

You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.

The service station attendant lets you pump your gas before paying.

You start your conversation with; "When I was younger".

The highlight of your week is playing bingo.

You understand the dangers of drinking.

Some asks you; "What did you used to do?" or "How did they used to do it when you were my age?"

Pogo sticks look more like a form of punishment than fun.

You have your chiropractor on your speed dial.

When your doctor doesn't give you xrays anymore but just holds you up to the light.

When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.

When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

Your back goes out, but you stay home.

You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.

It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

Happy hour is a nap.

When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.

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