Big Day for Obama
Several Democratic super delegates pledged their support to Barack Obama today, after seeing that his campaign has the better chance to win. Bill Clinton switched to Obama today too, after seeing that his campaign has the cuter interns.

Cheap Sheiks
The oil rich Arab countries have only sent about $50,000 in food aid to starving countries in the world this year. It's all part of their "No Suicide Bombers, No Supper" policy.

Hillary's Vow
Despite every indication that it's over, Hillary Clinton is vowing to keep fighting to the end... but enough about her marriage.

Hillary's Cash Crunch
Hillary Clinton has loaned her own campaign $6.4 million in the last month... bad news for everyone who was hoping she would never write another book.

McGovern Advises Hillary
Former Democratic presidential nominee George McGovern is urging Hillary Clinton to drop out of the race... wise advice from someone who dropped out of the planet Earth about 35 years ago.

Young Voters
Experts say young voters are excited about this presidential election and could make the difference in the race... or at least they could if they allowed voting via text message.

Cyclone Aid
The U.S. is promising to do whatever's necessary to force Myanmar to accept emergency aid. Apparently, the only way to get help from the Bush administration after a weather disaster is to play hard to get.

Offering Help
President Bush is calling on Myanmar's government to allow the United States to help with disaster assistance after the devastating cyclone. The U.S. is offering the same rescue assistance as it used after Hurrican Katrina... so it should get there in about 6-to-8 months.

Organ Donation
New York City officials plan to dispatch ambulances that can preserve bodies of the newly dead to allow for organ donation. Of course, the city already has a vehicle filled with hundreds of newly dead people every day... it's called the D train.

Southwest Bribery?
The head of the federal office overseeing Southwest Airlines reportedly accepted thousands of dollars in free pilot training from the company... making him the first-ever government employee with actual job skills.

SDSU Drug Bust
After a massive campus bust, administrators now say San Diego State is drug free... thus eliminating the only real reason to go to San Diego State.

Ice Cream Pioneer Dies
Baskin-Robbins co-founder Irvine Robbins has died at the age of 90. The cause of death was a massive brain freeze.

New Fathers
A new study shows fathers of newborn babies are about twice as likely to show symptoms of major depression... but they're 10 times as likely to be very sleepy with spit up stains on their shirts.

Britney Gets Rights
Britney Spears had been granted extended visitation rights to her two sons. The judge made the decision after Spears promised to never drive in his neighborhood.

Turf Denial
The makers of synthetic turf fields say their product poses no health risk... unless you're a member of the New York Jets.

Chrysler Gas Deal
Chrysler is offering its customers $2.99-a-gallon gas as way to help them through tough economic times. Of course the best way to get through tough economic times is to never buy a Chrysler.

Chrysler Gas Deal II
Chrysler is offering its customers $2.99-a-gallon gas as way to help them through tough economic times. Chrysler usually offers its customers gas price relief simply by making cars that are in the shop all the time.

Attention Deficit Drugs
A new study shows American kids are getting prescribed ADHD drugs at 6 times the rate of British kids. I was going to make a joke about this, but I lost my train of thought.

No Deal
Yahoo shares are plummeting after Microsoft withdrew its merger offer. The last time something looked this bad after a breakup it was Lyle Lovett.

Microsoft Pulls Bid
Microsoft pulled its $47.5 billion bid to buy Yahoo. Microsoft will now return to only trying to acquire the souls of innocent PC users.

Poor Women
A new report shows that most of the world's working poor are women... something Eliot Spitzer devoted his whole life to stamping out.

United-US Airways Update
United and US Airways are still discussing a possible merger. The two companies should be able to strike a deal as soon as their executives can stop crying.

Buffett's Wisdom
Billionaire investor Warren Buffett says the "party's over" for insurance companies... which is devastating, because usually when you think partying, you think insurance.

Hillary's Horse
Hillary Clinton's favorite horse came in second in the Kentucky Derby, but then had to be euthanized. It's yet another example of why Americans prefer horse races to presidential elections.

Troop Mental Health
A new survey shows that American troops are worried about their mental health... something that they stop worrying about as soon as they see the real crazy people at anti-war rallies.

Al Qaeda Leader Killed
A U.S. airstrike has killed the top al Qaeda agent in Somalia. The top al Qaeda rep in Ethiopia and Nigeria will cover his assassinations and sales calls until a replacement can be named.

Sending Money Home
Fewer Latino immigrants to the U.S. are sending money home. It's a sign of looser family ties, and the fact that the dollar is now worth about half a peso.

Jake Novak is one of the most prolific satirists on the planet. More than one million people from New York to New Zealand hear and read his comedy every week on radio stations, newspapers and Web sites. Jake's material is featured along with comedy from Dave Letterman and Jay Leno every Thursday in Newsday. He also has a Jewish humor column in every issue of The Jewish Week and a brand new comic strip "Schmooze or Lose" in the L.A. Jewish Journal. Visit his website at http://jakejakeny.blogspot.com/